Eight years ago today I woke up from a late afternoon nap ready to get dinner started. I stood up from the couch and felt the *pop* and a *gush.* My water had broken and all the plans, dreams, and prayers of so many years was coming to be.
I've always wanted to be a mom. From way back when I imagined myself as a mom to three kids and sometimes the last two were twins. The twin dream disappeared after a while once I realized how much work babies are (God has a great sense of humor!) but I still knew that my future held kids.
I had a plan as I got closer and closer to adulthood. I'd meet a guy my sophomore year of college, date during junior year, get engaged during senior year, and married after graduation. Sometimes I can be a bit of a Type A person. What do you know but I met my husband during our sophomore years, started dating junior year, got engaged during senior year, and married that summer. We hadn't graduated yet but that was such a minor detail!
While going through pre-marital counseling we agreed that three or four kids seemed perfect but our timing was where we disagreed. I only wanted to wait about two or three years and he said three to five so we'd have time to ourselves first. It's totally reasonable and I can definitely see why it's a smart choice! But my desire for a baby was strong and once the vows were exchanged I had a really hard time being patient! In my head I knew we needed to wait because I would be student teaching the following spring and did not want to deal with a pregnancy and all the work that goes into student teaching.
As the end of student teaching drew nearer I felt a prompting from God that we needed to leave the timing in His hands. He is the creator of life and knew exactly when we would be blessed with a child. We stopped using any method of birth control and prayed that his will would be done. We prayed for a baby in his timing but man did I get impatient! Friends all around me at church were getting pregnant and it was hard to not wonder when it would be my turn!
I was struggling with health issues at this point as well. I was working on getting healthier and maintaining a healthy weight but my body wasn't working as it should have been. My cycle was all over the place ranging from 30-60 days. I almost stopped getting my hopes up because how was I supposed to know when to test if I didn't know when to expect my next cycle to start?
But there was also a sense of peace from God. It was there even though I didn't receive it as fully I should have. I knew he controlled the timing and that our baby would be with us one day but I also ached for motherhood. While I had only been on this journey for a few months it felt like decades because I didn't even know if it was possible because of what my body was doing.
I remember being so sure that I was finally pregnant around Christmas of that year. I took test after test knowing that one had to turn positive. None of them did and soon my hopes were dashed again. I went to my women's bible study in January and poured out my heart to them and to God. They prayed over me that I would have peace for God's timing. Not that I would get pregnant, not that there would be a baby soon, but that I would feel peace in waiting.
At the end of February we saw the two pink lines.
It was "only" about eight months but those days when I checked the calendar and knew I was possibly late only to see a negative test day after day and sometimes week after week because of my screwy cycle seemed like eternity. But now I see the goodness in the timing. The perfect way it happened.
Parker joined our family on October 13th, 2008. He was a sleepless baby that loved to make sure we knew he was around and that really hasn't changed. He was a brave and adventurous toddler and is still fearless when it comes to physical challenges. He was stubborn and determined and that hasn't changed one bit - just like his mama. He was creative and inquisitive and that has only grown - just like his daddy. He is our first born baby and we are amazed by him every day. We thank God every day for choosing him to be a part of our family and look forward to seeing him grow as the days go by.
Happy Birthday Mr. Parker Pants. We are so blessed to be your parents!
Do you have a testimony of God's faithfulness and perfect timing? I'd love to hear it!
If you are struggling with fertility or are feeling hopeless over your journey to parenthood would you send me an email? I would love to pray for you. My heart aches for those that long for a child. I know my journey is different from yours but I would feel honored if you would let me pray for you.
I'm linking this up with Kristin over at 152 Insights to My Soul for Three Word Wednesday.